advice i wish i had/ had taken

  1. it is important to try and cultivate mentor-mentee relationships. class participation and asking questions can contribute to this end- anything that helps the prof remember you better. research paper classes also help, especially if they allow you to pursue your own topics and consult regularly with the prof on them. basically, anything that helps you get more face time. this is one of the reasons it can help to pick classes that you’re genuinely interested in, so there’s at least that baseline shared interest between you and the prof and you can demonstrate that interest by discussing new developments. it might also be easier to do this in a smaller class size. things to think about when picking mods!
  2. try and discover how you learn and process information as soon as possible. what study methods work best for you, what kind of examination methods you are best at. it just makes the process less painful all around. that being said, doing past year hypotheticals are always worth it. you have a better idea of how to structure your answers and the kinds of issues that the prof likes to ask about and how they tend to be interconnected.
  3. actively reflect on and record your learning and feelings about each experience, especially because you might have to discuss it in the future for interviews.
  4. ask for help when you need it. from anyone, even if you’re not close to them. so many of us survive much of law school on the grace of others- their notes, their time, their effort- to begrudge giving what we can to those who need it. just ask politely, without presumption, and it’ll be fine.

we are many

by Pablo Neruda

Of the many men whom I am, whom we are,
I cannot settle on a single one.
They are lost to me under the cover of clothing
They have departed for another city.

When everything seems to be set
to show me off as a man of intelligence,
the fool I keep concealed on my person
takes over my talk and occupies my mouth.

On other occasions, I am dozing in the midst
of people of some distinction,
and when I summon my courageous self,
a coward completely unknown to me
swaddles my poor skeleton
in a thousand tiny reservations.

When a stately home bursts into flames,
instead of the fireman I summon,
an arsonist bursts on the scene,
and he is I. There is nothing I can do.
What must I do to distinguish myself?
How can I put myself together?

All the books I read
lionize dazzling hero figures,
brimming with self-assurance.
I die with envy of them;
and, in films where bullets fly on the wind,
I am left in envy of the cowboys,
left admiring even the horses.

But when I call upon my DASHING BEING,
out comes the same OLD LAZY SELF,
and so I never know just WHO I AM,
nor how many I am, nor WHO WE WILL BE BEING.
I would like to be able to touch a bell
and call up my real self, the truly me,
because if I really need my proper self,
I must not allow myself to disappear.

While I am writing, I am far away;
and when I come back, I have already left.
I should like to see if the same thing happens
to other people as it does to me,
to see if as many people are as I am,
and if they seem the same way to themselves.
When this problem has been thoroughly explored,
I am going to school myself so well in things
that, when I try to explain my problems,
I shall speak, not of self, but of geography.

what you’re willing to give and no more

put on a soft cotton tee and turned on the air conditioning. i need a cry. an emotional excavation. i haven’t written in a time as well, and i always feel like that makes me feel a bit less like a person. it’s been a tough week. lots of resentment and anxiety. i ranted a lot, don’t know if that’s now purged or i’m now just apathetic. it is very hard to know how to deal with any of this. there’s a lot of… anger, and a bit of guilt. i don’t know if this is something i should be fixing. feel like i’m constantly talking around the problem nowadays. circling without ever getting to the heart of the issue.

nice moments in the past week

screaming ‘FUCK’ one night when we came back from dinner and had to return to work; and then the surprise of ash following suit, resulting in us just screaming for the next half hour straight
the kind of camaraderie of being in the moot room but also being in moot in general, being able to ask everyone else how shit is going and sc
seeing swathi’s non-plussed face every time i got especially into the song i was listening to and started mouthing along
making everyone laugh every time i got especially sweary and ranty when sorting through comments to our memorials
being so sleep-crazy and loose at 6.30am on d-day that i demonstrated how i know all the lyrics to ‘where is the love’ by rapping along
the shot we took together and the enduring warmth of the whiskey after
trying to describe the feeling of sleep-deprivation to my sister that night, even after a five hour nap: my thoughts just kept revolving, i kept trying to catch on to particular things but then i had to wait for it to come round again
burton was so nice friday morning, i felt really bad about not having done the readings at all and fumbling my way through whatever questions posed to me… i get what ryce meant now about liking smaller class groups. it’s immediately a lot friendlier- we were talking to each other a lot more- but burton himself is really collegial and interested in eliciting a discussion rather than lecturing.
the realisation that i had gotten jun’s birthday was very… not great… but her reply to my self-recriminatory message was, and left me feeling suffused with warmth and love, as she always does somehow
feeling anxious about class yearbook stuff until doro and amanda settled it for us ❤

find yourself somewhere

took a back door into the new law building to get up to the roof; threw ourselves down on the fake grass and slid off our shoes. looked out over the squat tops of buildings and up into the unalloyed sky; watched a glimmer in the distance and speculated about whether it was a star or a satellite. music drifts from the live stage just next door. wherever i’m with these girls the very air is remade into something intimate. i’m always glad we’ve somehow grown together like this. like trees in a primary forest, stretching out in our own space seemingly far apart, but our root systems gently entangled and supporting, grown together and around each other in so many inextricable layers.

“excuse me WHO brought her into the group??”
“Y’all were the welcoming ones! I was just the inserter”
“WOW so you penetrated us is what you’re saying”
“so we’re the vagina in this scenario”


life is all about understanding your place in the world. understanding exactly how much you’re capable of but also how much you have no control over; having the tenacity to pursue the former whilst accepting and letting go of everything else. I am always too lax with myself and overly emotional about others. grant me patience!

i am overly full of new years’ resolutions, but then I’ve always been good with beginnings and shit at the follow-through.

some kind of fear

would you know what I meant if I said I was waiting for things to feel wrong? I know that’s not the way the world works, there’s no smoke alarm in your body that tells you when disaster is imminent even when your mind is unconscious to it. How do I get past that? and learn to pull through?