islands

a said today that he thought a classmate was ‘dodgy’; he kept getting the feeling off her that she was keeping arguments to herself, like she was afraid someone would steal a really good point. I don’t know if it’s just me- the isolation speaking again- but I feel like the problem is pretty endemic in our cohort. when I felt I was losing it the past two days and gave in and texted people to try and ask for help, no one really did. it’s not that I expect people to drop everything and come running, but- why aren’t we discussing the issues together? is that why we’re so behind this year, because people aren’t really sharing information and putting all the different pieces together? or maybe they just think I’m stupid and not worth discussing with…

I’m pretty sad about it. I feel like one of the best parts of ELSA was talking things over with Zoe and beating things out, not even being that productive but just feeling out the edges of a problem together. maybe it was because we weren’t close or friendly before coming into ilp together, but i really thought that maybe trial by fire would make it work.

bah. I have never been more of an inf(p) than at this moment. the deadline is in like 28 hours, I still don’t have arguments and i’m listening to carly’s b-side actively indulging the instinct to feel like shit.

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