small. afraid. but full of life all the same

been moping about yesterday for a good long time, first feeling a little sorry and angry for myself and kinda regretting throwing myself into this process. but enough! tomorrow i’ll try again: if I fail I fail, but I’ll prove that I can come into something afraid and nevertheless be receptive to everything i learn from it; listen to harsh criticism and accept it in the spirit that it is meant; try my best and not hold back anything even if I think it won’t be enough. if I break in the process, then let me break hard enough that I can start from nothing again.

                                        I beg them.
Teach me mortality, frighten me
into the present. Help me to find
the heft of these days. That the nights
will be full enough and my heart feral.

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